THE OFFICIAL NO CATS, NO CHOCOLATE PRESS RELEASE

Alan Russell is calling it the "Ken Is Not Dead Tour."



Ken Kuhlken is calling it the "Alan May be a Maniac but He's Not Homicidal Tour."



Ken and Alan are back.

Many of you (all right, one or two of you) might remember Ken and Alan's hilarious ROAD KILL that detailed their adventures while on their "international" mystery book-signing tour.

NO CATS, NO CHOCOLATE continues the adventure in a limited edition book, with a print run of only one thousand numbered copies. Ken and Alan agree on only one thing: "It's a damn good investment."



"If you want to make your heirs rich," says Ken, "buy the book. In a hundred years one of these copies of NO CATS, NO CHOCOLATE will be worth about as much as a Gutenberg Bible. And if you don't care about your heirs, quit being cheap and buy the book anyway."



The reaction to this book from other writers is unanimous. Here's what they're saying:



Reserve a Special Place in your House for this One! "Some books have a revered spot on your bookshelves. I have another spot in mind for this book, the same place where I put all books written by Kuhlken and Russell. It's going right next to the spare roll on the shelf behind the toilet." - Michael Connelly, bestselling author of THE NARROWS



Looking for a Great Book? "If you're like me, you are always looking for a great book. Well, I am afraid you'll have to keep looking. Mind you, NO CATS, NO CHOCOLATE is not a bad book; it is a truly awful book." - John Lescroart, bestselling author of THE SECOND CHAIR

In a League of their Own! "In my life I have met and associated with many people that don't fit in with mainstream society. I have written about bikers, and outlaws, and drug addled psychopaths. Let me tell you, those desperados are nothing compared to Kuhlken and Russell. When it comes to creepiness, these two are in a league of their own. Avoid mind pollution! Don't read their words." - Barbara Seranella, bestselling author of UNWILLING ACCOMPLICE



There is Nothing like Kuhlken and Russell in the Zodiac! "There are few people like Russell and Kuhlken in this world, and that is a very good thing. I have seen some bad auras in my time, but never such dark clouds as hover over them. The only other auras I have seen similar to theirs belong to Charlie Manson, John Wayne Gacy, and most of the members of Congress." - Martha Lawrence, bestselling author of ASHES OF ARIES



The Scientific Community Is in Agreement! "There are few subjects upon which the scientific community is in agreement, and the science fiction community is just as fractious. However, when it comes to Russell and Kuhlken we all concur: We hope they fall into a wormhole, end up on the other side of a distant galaxy, and are never heard from again!" - David Brin, bestselling author of THE POSTMAN



On My Top Ten List! "My biggest regret in retiring from the FBI is that I can't put these two jokers behind bars. Kuhlken and Russell's NO CATS, NO CHOCOLATE, is the latest of many frauds they've perpetuated on an unsuspecting American public. I wouldn't be surprised if one day a lynch mob stormed one of their signings, and neither would I be surprised if law enforcement turned a blind eye to the people's justice." 
- Gene Riehl, bestselling author of QUANTICO RULES

To read what the fuss is all about . . .